after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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