he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
