So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The air was thick with penises
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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