So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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