Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
