Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
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