i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
