so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
