Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
