I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
as a side note pls kill me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm always down for nudity.
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