So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
