I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
