why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
