She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
