My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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