she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
