The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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