I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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