awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
