he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
