She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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