I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He shit in the fireplace
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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