I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
