Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
