Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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