she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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