Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
