Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
