I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
