you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
