Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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