Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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