wat bout pragnant strippers??
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
