I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
