i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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