i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The uberlube is also flammable
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
