Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
