By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
