toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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