The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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