Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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