Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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