I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
