I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
