Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
