I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
