we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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