I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
