if i can run in heels then i can drive
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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