end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize