phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
