Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Still dying that you shit outside
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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