i need an iv and a liver transplant
She said her name was "party"
This house was built for laser tag.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
