Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
