New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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