Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
