I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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