Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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