yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
