Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize