it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
