Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
