My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
