My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
