so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
