they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
