Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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