i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
