after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
