He told me they were just razor bumps!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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