Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
