You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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