lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize