hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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