I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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