ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
