No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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