I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
