Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize