i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize