happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
