i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize