So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
