So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
