Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
