my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
