i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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