Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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