I feel great
I just peed on a car
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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