the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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