If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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