Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize