weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
