Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
