She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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