wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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