I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
