Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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