Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
