Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
