and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
