I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize