Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
