I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
...so i touched it.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
