dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
