good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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