i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
